How to fire someone and still sleep at night

I’ve fired people who deserved it and people who didn’t. I’ve let people go because the company couldn’t afford them, because they weren’t performing, and once because I waited too long to coach them and by the time I tried it was too late. That last one was my fault, not theirs.

None of it felt good. Anyone who tells you firing gets easier is either lying or shouldn’t be in charge of people.

TL;DR: Firing someone is one of the hardest things a leader does. The key is doing it honestly, doing it quickly once the decision is made, and treating the person with dignity the entire time. You don’t get to feel good about it. You just get to know you handled it right.

The decision should already be made before the conversation

If you’re sitting in a termination meeting and still debating whether to do it, you’re not ready. The meeting is for delivering a decision, not making one. Do your thinking before you walk in the room.

That means documentation. Conversations. Written warnings. A clear pattern that shows both you and the employee what’s not working and what was tried. If you can’t articulate the reason in one sentence, you haven’t done enough work upfront.

Say it in the first 30 seconds

Don’t small talk. Don’t ask about their weekend. Don’t build up to it with a compliment sandwich. That’s disrespectful to an adult who can read the room and knows why they’re there.

“I’m ending your employment, effective today. Here’s why.” Then explain clearly and stop talking. Let them respond. Listen. Answer questions honestly.

I’ve watched managers spend 15 minutes rambling before getting to the point because they were more worried about their own comfort than the person’s dignity. Don’t be that manager.

Treat them like they matter, because they do

Every person I’ve let go has a family, bills, and a life outside of my company. The fact that they’re being terminated doesn’t erase any of that. Walk them out respectfully. Don’t have security escort them unless there’s a safety concern. Let them gather their things.

Offer a reference if you can. Not a fake glowing one, but an honest assessment of their strengths. “He was strong in X and Y. This role wasn’t the right fit for Z reasons.” That costs you nothing and might help them land somewhere better.

After the conversation

Tell the team promptly. Not the details of why. Just that the person is no longer with the company and you wish them well. If the team has questions, answer what you can without violating the former employee’s privacy.

Then move on. Not emotionally, that takes time. But operationally. Redistribute work, adjust the plan, fill the gap. Your remaining team needs to know that the ship is still moving.

The ones that keep you up

The terminations that bother me most are the ones where I know I could have done more. A clearer expectation. An earlier conversation. Better training. When someone fails and part of the reason is that their leader didn’t set them up to succeed, that’s on the leader.

I sleep fine after firing someone who was dishonest or refused to improve. I sleep less well after the ones where I look back and see my own fingerprints on the failure.

That discomfort is the point. If terminating someone doesn’t bother you at all, you’ve stopped seeing your employees as people. And if you’ve stopped seeing them as people, they already know it.

Last updated: March 13, 2026