I have called 988 more than once. Here is why I’m telling you.

I have called the suicide lifeline more than once. I called the old 1-800 number, and I’ve called 988. I’ve been in therapy for years. Thank God for that.

It’s not easy to admit you need help. I know what it’s like to wonder whether asking makes you weak, especially as a man. I’ve talked about that in public, and I’ve had to deal with it myself.

TL;DR: I’ve called both the old suicide lifeline and 988. I’ve also stood onstage telling people they mattered while struggling to believe it about myself. I want to be honest about both, because asking for help has been part of staying here.

I meant it for everybody else

I have stood in front of rooms and told people the world is better off with them in it. I meant what I said. I just didn’t believe it for me.

In my gun violence prevention work, I spent time with people who had lost someone who died by suicide. We would say, “I’m enough.” I knew how easy it was to say into a microphone. Believing it about myself was much harder.

I could tell someone else they mattered. I just didn’t believe it for me. Life was kicking the shit out of me. I got fed up. Being the person who said the reassuring thing didn’t spare me any of that.

I have survived three suicide attempts. The last was in 2002. I’m glad I’m still here. There were chances when I might not have been.

Making the call

I made those calls. More than once, at different points in my life. I’m glad the lifeline was there.

People don’t always know they can use it. Or they know the number and still wonder whether they should. I’ve talked about how hard it can be for men to admit they need somebody. Some of us hear that asking makes us less of a man.

I think people who seek help should be commended. It takes something to admit you need it. I’ve needed it, even while I was helping other people find their way to it.

Calling didn’t mean the hard days were over. I’ve had years of therapy. I’ve had stretches when my mother’s birthday would come around and I couldn’t get out of bed. I’ve cried, ugly face crying, over a loss that happened before I was old enough to remember her.

On her birthday in 2026, the grief didn’t take over the whole day. I could recognize what happened without letting it control everything. Getting here has taken time and help.

I’m glad I stayed

Sometimes I think about the fact that I’m still here and it almost feels like magic. After three attempts and years of depression, I get to have a life. I’ll take that.

I’m saying this because there may be somebody who hears me talk about asking for help and assumes I haven’t had to do it myself. I have. I still see a therapist.

I’ve had a lot of bad moments. I’m glad those moments weren’t the end of my life.

If you are struggling in the United States, call or text 988, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can also text HOME to 741741 through Crisis Text Line.

About Khary Penebaker

Khary Penebaker is Division President at MetalMaster-RoofMaster, the Upper Midwest division of Wolkow Braker Roofing Corp. He founded Penebaker Enterprises and grew it from $1.5M to $15M. A gun violence prevention advocate and former Everytown for Gun Safety Fellow, Khary brings two decades of leadership in commercial roofing, architectural sheet metal, and civic engagement.

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