Why I advocate for red flag laws

When I talk about red flag laws, I think about my mom. Joyce had attempted suicide twice before she died by firearm suicide in 1979. I was 22 months old.

I wish she’d had more time to get help. That wish is part of why I’ve advocated for temporarily separating someone in crisis from access to guns.

TL;DR: My mother had attempted suicide twice before she died in 1979. I can’t say exactly what a different law would have changed. I can explain why giving someone time to reach help is part of my support for red flag laws.

Time to reach help

When I’ve explained my support for a red flag law, I’ve talked about giving a family a way to ask for guns to be temporarily removed from someone at their lowest. What matters to me is the time and space that could give the person to reach care.

My mom was struggling with postpartum depression, alcoholism, and the stress of being a young parent. She didn’t have the help she needed. She had access to a gun.

I can’t tell you exactly what a different law would have changed for my family in 1979. I can tell you why a law intended to create that separation matters to me. I wanted my mother to have another day. I still wish she’d gotten one.

What a family is left carrying

I lost my mom. My dad lost his wife. My grandmother lost her daughter. None of us had a guide for how to live through that.

My dad wasn’t a doctor or trained to deal with what my mom was going through. There was only so much a young father could do.

I’ve had to understand that as an adult. The people around me were living through it in real time too. They made mistakes.

That’s part of what I mean when I talk about families needing more help. There is only so much a family member can do alone. My mom needed help that my dad wasn’t trained to give.

Telling it in front of people who can act

I’ve testified before local and state committees. I’ve stood in front of officials and told them what happened to my family, asking them to change the law.

It is hard to be that vulnerable in front of people who may not listen. In many cases, I felt they weren’t going to care. I decided to try to change the people who made the law, and ran for Congress.

Red flag laws are one of the things I’ve pushed for. I’m writing about why I support them here, rather than giving instructions on a legal process. For example, Illinois State Police explains that family or household members and law enforcement can ask a court for a firearms restraining order. That is an Illinois process, not a statement that the same process is available everywhere.

I wish my mom had gotten the time and care she needed. That’s what I carry into those rooms. A family should have more help when somebody they love is at their lowest.

If you are struggling in the United States, call or text 988, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can also text HOME to 741741 through Crisis Text Line.

About Khary Penebaker

Khary Penebaker is Division President at MetalMaster-RoofMaster, the Upper Midwest division of Wolkow Braker Roofing Corp. He founded Penebaker Enterprises and grew it from $1.5M to $15M. A gun violence prevention advocate and former Everytown for Gun Safety Fellow, Khary brings two decades of leadership in commercial roofing, architectural sheet metal, and civic engagement.

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